Thanks to the wonderful parenting coaches at The Parenting Place for their guide to toilet training! Right up there with sleeping and feeding, toilet training is usually one of the biggest challenges that parents face in their children's early years.
Things to keep in mind
Learning to use the toilet is a process. There are likely to be accidents, which may cause stress for both the parent and child. Remember that these mistakes are not misbehaviour. Stay calm and look for opportunities to encourage your child.
Sickness, the arrival of a new baby, a time of separation or a major upset in the family will often disrupt, or even regress, a child's toilet training. Relax and start again when everything has returned to normal.
One further source of complications that can arise with toilet training is that your children are toddlers! By that I mean they can sometimes be independent, wilful and capricious. Just as they need to learn the physical skills of toileting, which get better with maturity and practice, their social and emotional responses to toileting take time to mature and develop as well.
Beware of trying to toilet train too early. Naturally, parents want toileting sorted out as soon as possible, but there are some things you need to have in place first. It is possible to 'jump the gun' and start toilet training too early. Then again, if the child is showing signs of readiness, there is no point in delaying training. Physically a child is not usually mature enough until he is approximately two years old. If you wait until the summer when a child is approaching that age and put him into little trainer pants, it can usually be accomplished in a few weeks by being consistent and encouraging. Don't be discouraged if your child isn't ready until closer to three years.
Signs of readiness
Your child will show readiness by doing simple things like:
- Pausing and making signs when having a bowel movement
- Having regular bowel movements that are passed easily
- Often staying dry for two hours at a time in the daytime
- Waking up dry from a nap
- Telling you when they are wet or soiled
- Showing an interest in the process
- Having a desire to imitate adults and be 'grown up'
- Liking the feeling of being clean and neat
- Being able to undress themselves or at least pull their pants down
- Good general health
Unless toilet training is child led (i.e. the child starts to indicate that he has some control, e.g. dry nappies, copies older children or parent etc.), attempting it before two years old can be negative and unnecessarily stressful for both of you.
Allow for stages in toilet training
Children progress through these main stages:
- They are not aware of what they have just done
- They are aware of just having done something
- They are aware of doing something right now
- They can tell you just before they go
- They can tell you in advance that they need to go
- They can go to the toilet or use the potty all by themselves
- They are dry at night. This means that if they wake up needing to go, they can take care of the toileting all by themselves
Most children manage to become dry and clean during the day somewhere between two and four years of age. On average, it takes three to four weeks of focused attention to help a child become mainly dry and clean during the day.
Some parents find that they have rushed through these stages. It may be necessary to go back to one of the stages and start again. The last stage (dry at night) can take much longer to achieve in some cases. This is not necessarily anything to be worried about.
Accept individual differences
Most children manage to become dry and clean during the day somewhere between two and four years of age. On average, it takes three to four weeks of focused attention to help a child become mainly dry and clean during the day.
Becoming dry at night takes a bit longer with some children not becoming dry until they are seven or eight years old. If this is true for your child, limiting fluids in the hour before bedtime and uplifting them once or twice each night will help to limit accidents while they're developing the ability to stay dry at night. Try not to compare your child with others. They each have an individual 'time clock' and seem to do better when you are more relaxed and the pressure is off.
If your older child (over seven or eight years) is unable to remain dry at night, it is worth seeing your family doctor. Some children are simply very deep sleepers, others need help to extend their bladder capacity. Your own doctor can assess whether you need help and point you in the right direction.
Some positive expectations
It's going to make a real difference if there is a good level of compliance already established. If your child resists you a lot of the time, it's not going to be easy to get her to sit still on the potty. So, check that your child can take instructions regarding basic things like getting dressed, tidying toys up etc. Good general parenting practices are a great foundation for successful toilet training.
Toilet training takes time and focus. Gina Ford, author of Potty Training in One Week, believes your chances of success are greatly increased by being intentional.
Some parents schedule a week or so out of their normal routine, with less pressure to get to meetings etc., and more availability to respond and follow through on their child's requests.
